Elsewhere Diane is also running through her script. She claims that she hasn’t learnt the lines and for a while we believe that the show might have to be abandoned, but it is soon clear that no matter what, we will have to go on stage. Steve reads his for a while and then walks out of the room. Mark later tells me he went to be sick. Surprisingly, I am fairly relaxed about this, compared to other performances this is small beer, sure the pupils will take the piss, but that too I am used to... Not sure why Diane and Stuart are nervous, but then they have an exam qualification at stake.
Editors notes. We have reprinted Cook’s notes from that time, along with some notes made a number of years after the event. The show was held over two days in the main hall of Gaynesford High School. From what we have been able to deduce from the writings of Raven and Cook, and with the grateful assistance of Mark Powell, the decision to go over two days was in some fashion connected to Raven’s desire to prove a point about his ability to produce a show. It's interesting that he didn’t consider that the factors which had troubled South Pacific; the cost and time involved in staging the show were issues for his group. Todd was a workshop production requiring only the most basic of costumes and little in the way of scenery, so lack of the former was not an issue. Its possible that given the disaster of the South Pacific rehearsals, he also felt that no matter what his production would shine.
Cook’s diary picks up the story from the point of view of the players on the day…
Sweeney Todd The Demon barber of Fleet Street
Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd His skin was pale and his eye was odd.
He shaved the faces off gentlemen who never thereafter were heard of again,
He trod a path that few have trod Did Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber off Fleet Street..
Act One. Scene One.
The music Mussorgsky: Night on Bald Mountain plays through the tinny speakers of the school PA. Mark is out on stage waiting for me to make my entrance. He is supposed to be searching Todd's shop for something, most likely money, but it not very cle
ar. This is a difficult feat on a set composed of one chair and a small cupboard. In order to waste time he is compelled to search the same cupboard several times over. None of this is particularly relevant to the point and in any event the Mr Smith is destined for a fairly unpleasant end in Act One. Raven however thinks it will establish character. What the cast think of this opening is best unrecorded.I stride out on stage offering a silent prayer that Billy Mulane, our lighting man, will remember his cue. I offer another that the music will be cut at the right point and not continue over the script because Raven or whoever he delegated to work the tape recorder doesn't know which button to push. My final prayer is directed towards whoever made the huge fake eyebrows that I have told I have to wear... Resembling two large hairy caterpillars, Raven was convinced that these would add to my air of menace. I was convinced that I looked stupid and that under the heat of the lights they were certain to fall off.
I deliver my speech, Mark evidently relieved to be able to stop his pantomime starts his lines as he does so, he steps back and falls off the edge of the stage. Luckily for us and him, he is not hurt by the fall, or at least because of the adrenaline doesn't not feel any pain. He recovers and we continue.
Editors note. Cook added to this account with several later entries in the early part of 1992.
I have a feeling that I was one of the more relaxed members of the cast on that first day but it took only a couple of minutes on stage to dispel that.. Diane had claimed that she didn't know any of her lines and I later found out that Steve had vanished for a couple of hours to be sick. Beverley was so tense she quite forgot to play the little girl always a bad sign in my experience.
I remember coming into the sixth form centre and being more than a little alarmed by the sight of Beverley and Ashok both reading from their scripts. Given they had fairly lightweight pieces of dialogue and had been practicing for months the sight of them running down their lines did more to increase my sense of nervousness than the thought of any Gaynesford audience.
Curtain up time came with Mark on stage supposedly searching the place. My instructions were to wait for the end of the music before I came out and accosted him and that bloody music seemed to go on forever. Eventuality I got on stage and we got the play moving although not without some difficulties. From the very start Todd was delivering big speeches which it was clear to me were not grabbing the audience of 11-14 year olds.
My opening line was "So Mr Smith, if I have comprehended your mission correctly, you have come upon that matter of the sum of money you would have me believe owing to you in respect on your mechanical toy?"
It was somewhere around here that Mark went off the edge of the stage and in doing so I suspect did more to entertain the audience than any of the script.
Unbeknownst to the cast Raven and Orme had invited some of the local dignitaries to the play and one of the things I noticed as I strode out into the limelight was several unfamiliar faces which I guessed were not the invigilators. What didn't help was that we were getting nothing from the audience, out there was a sea of silence faces, the vast majority seemingly uncomprehending of what was going on. I recall that it occurred to me, far, far too late that Victorian medorama was probably not on the curriculum of any school much less my less than comprehensive, comprehensive. This was not good. RC
Act One. Scene Two.
Scene two comes straight in from one, Todd meets Tobias Ragg, his new apprentice. Todd spends several scenes alternatively either abusing his apprentice or threatening him. Working with Kim, playing a boy has been troubling me throughout the rehearsals. My picture of the erotic is fast becoming linked to attacking girls dressed as boys. I think I may need some form of psychiatry at the end of this.
Act One. Scene Three.
Mark reappears as the Rev. Lupin.
Lupin arrives at the home of Mr and Mrs Oakley and a chat with Beverley's Johanna Oakley. I have the chance to get off stage. As I go I catch a snippet of his speech. " Yea Maiden, I am that chosen vessel whom the profane call 'Old Mealy Mouth.' I have come hither at the bidding of your respected mother to partake of that vain mixture that rejoiceth in the name of tea" As Mark continues to murder the England language, I grab a glass of water - someone has had the foresight to place a large container outside the green rooms. I also check my fake caterpillar eyebrows, which still seem to be sealed to my own brows.
On stage, we are aware that the cast is ploughing through one of the weaker scenes in the show. Weaker has been identified by several members of the cast as any scene in which either Lee or Ashok have more than a couple of lines. To be fair to Lee's Judge Brandon isn't that bad, but his Mr Oakley is rougher than a tramps chin. When I get back to the wings for my next scene it is clear that the action has slowed to a crawl and the dialogue is barely audible. The audience, effectively dragooned for the performance are clearly not all all enthralled by all this.
Ashok is suffering from some serious stage nerves, far more than any of us have reason to believe. As we ploughed our way through the early scenes, he delivered his lines in an increasingly softer and softer tone of voice. At one stage I was forced to deliver both his and my lines to the increasingly baffled and annoyed audience.
I was aware that in addition to fielding massive chunks of script, Todd is often on stage at the end of one scene and there at the beginning of the next, at times it's hard to keep track of what is going on and where I am supposed to be. The absence of all but the most basic of scenery and props doesn't not help, since there are no visual clues as to where we are in the story. On more than one occasion I move stage right only to have my new companion appear stage left forcing the first lines to be practically shouted across the stage.
Act One. Scene Four.
Back on stage with Diane in her Mrs Lovett role: I stride out on stage after a much needed break to a practically comatose audience, under instructions from Raven, who is equally as concerned as the cast, I stride out on stage in full 'shouty mode' I may as well have offered them a lullaby for all the effect my arrival has, the audience is bored to death and what is worse is that I can hear muttering...
Diane and I give it all we have. Despite the barrier of the script I like to think we manage to convey the fact that we are two thoroughly unlovable characters. Mark's Lupin character puts in another appearance meeting up with Mrs Lovett and sampling one of her pies. Watching from the wings, I have to reluctantly conclude that this is the best scene in the whole play (and I am not in it!). Interesting that Diane works best with Mark when she appears to be annoyed with him.
Act One. Scene Five.
Todd and Tobias meet Stuart's Mark Ingestre and the audience gets to learn about a valuable string of pearls that Ingestre intends to give Johanna Oakley. Todd robs Ingestre of his jewels and is left to die in the cellars of Todd's shop. Naturally, he doesn't actually snuff it. However since most of his happens off stage and because of the limitations of the special effects unnoticed by the increasingly perplexed audience.
It simply didn't occur to Raven that an audience composed of people who wanted to be practically anywhere else but seated there in the semi darkness would prove to be difficult. Even from the stage you could see and hear that something was happening down in the audience pit. RC
Some kind of berry fight had started early in the show and from time to time, various members of staff would move to isolate a berry thrower and eject him or her from the proceedings. I recall that during one supposedly intense emotional scene with Mrs Lovett and a single red berry bounced off my head and hit the stage. It says a lot about the mood on the stage and it didn't crack me or my compatriots up in any fashion and was barely noticed in the increasing cold sweat about how the show was going.
Act Two. Scene One.
Mrs Lovett decides that she wants out of the cannibal pie business. Needless to say Todd is not keen on the idea. Diane puts in a wonderful performance in the face of increasingly overwhelming odds from the audience. They are moving position from merely being bored to being annoyed that the play is still running after more than an hour. You see there had been a rumour that they would be allowed to go home early and as the hour approaches three; some of them realise that this will not be the case. The intelligentsias are already calculating the possibility they will be here after home time. This is inconceivable to some pupils who hold views on demarcation that would have embarrassed a 1970's TUC member.
Act Two. Scene Two.
There is a fight in the bakery, during which the stage gets covered with flour. With no stage hands and precious little time to do it in any case, the floor remains covered for the rest of the show.
Act Two. Scene Three.
The fight with the flour meant that from here on in everything and I do mean everything is lightly dusted with flour. The cast did their best to avoid getting too floured, but in any scene in which the cast were on the floor, the flour would be clearly visible when they got up.
Todd decides to get rid of Tobias, this may be because in common with everyone else the apprentice is now covered in a light layer of flour. I can't help but feel that what little chance I have with Kim is being diminished every time I throw her across the stage, hit her around the head or cause her to resemble Frosty the Snow Man with dandruff...
Act Two. Scene Four.
Todd gets Tobias committed to the madhouse. Tobias escapes with the aid of Mark Ingestre. Steve has taken on the role of Jonas Fogg the madhouse keeper - and with the aid of Lee and Mark who are providing off stage sound effects turn this scene into something akin to a Monty Python's The Life of Brian meeting The Rocky Horror Show, Steve and Mark and his team of sound effects people constantly improvise new sounds some work other don't. Noises emanate from back stage, groans, and muttered shouts for more equipment and cries of pain. I am not sure what it is all supposed to mean, but Steve's performance and wild gesticulations with his crutch seem to be a hit with the audience who up to that point were clearly puzzled by what was going on. It has to be said they could be in good company. I suspect that what little plot there was has been lost in a combination of forgotten lines, audience antipathy and scenery which is so minimalist that the London skyline is a set of red velvet curtains.
Back at the Madhouse (er...the one on stage that is...) I make a mental note to head for the doors if anyone starts to sing The Timewarp. At some point on stage Steve sweeps the crutch across the table and comes close to catching Stuart in a blow that would have ended the show there and then. We are all taking a battering in this show both from the audience and from each other. (I feel tired and sore from our fight rehearsals and our efforts on the night have not improved matters, Stuart, Lee and Kim have all complained about scenes going wrong and getting injured as a result.)
Act Two. Scene Five.
Todd has a meeting in Temple Bar and is then arrested. I am painfully aware that yet another of my long and boring speeches is about to commence. Besides it's difficult to be menacing when covered in a light dusting of flour.
Act Three. Scene One.
Todd is found guilty of theft, murder and being covered in flour he is sentenced to have his flour taken away - along with his life. He is unmoved, rather like the reaction of the audience to the long soliloquy that I find myself delivering to the courtroom.
By this stage Todd is convinced that Ingestre is a ghost, haunting him. In the courtroom Todd is supposed to spot Ingestre somewhere in the court and spout the following gobbledygook. "Ah the yawning grave yields up it's ghastly inmate to fix my guilt. Blood will have blood. See he is there, he comes to accuse me of the murder." You can imagine how well this goes with a Gaynesford audience. But before you can say, "Woe unto England, woe, woe, woe, for the roaring lion is abroad and no throat will remain apiece. Oh that my head were a fountain of water running pure to weep salt tears for the crying sins of this nation." Or at least before Mark had managed to say it - Todd had managed to escape.
Editor notes. Mark Powell's comments on the play were understandable less forgiving!
Date: Thu, 06 Mar 2045 09:00:17 GMT
To:editors@unacceptable_terms.ac.uk
From: Mark Powell mvlp@Vnet.orgt
Reply-To: Mark Powell mvlp@Vnet.org
Subject: Sweeney Todd
It was bloody awful! Right from the beginning it was obvious that we were going to problems. There was this one bit about the lion being loose in the land; because the lights were so dazzling I could only see the front row and Colleen Friday - who was absolutely cracking up!
I think we got a bad reception from the audience because of our decision to play it straight and because the pupils were expecting to go home early. It was blindingly obvious that the denizens of Gaynesford didn't have a clue what they were watching. Its fair to say that none of us were pleased with the first performance, even before the final curtain, waiting in the wings with Beverley Simmons, I heard her say "Oh they hate us!" she was almost in tears.
Diane Downham had also been affected by the mood and when Ron attempted to inject some humour into his performance by tearing at his fake eyebrow and exclaiming "Oh my eyebrows!" Diane turned to me and said "Oh no, get him to stop, he's trying to be funny and it doesn't work!"
Act Three. Scene Two
Another full five-minute speech about how I escaped the prison. Although the speech offers little in the way of explanation about the escape it is generous in its insight into the mentality of Sweeney Todd. I play it for all I am worth. Although at the time I can't believe it's that much.
Act Three Scene Three.
Todd kills Lovett, freeing Diane from at least one costume change and Cook from all responsibility for a performance that is now so far over the top that it can barely bee seen. However, there is a cock up when I forget the gun that I am supposed to use to murder her. Fortunately for me, Diane is far too long in the tooth to be fazed by this and we improvise a quick chase around the table and the death of Lovett by stabbing to death with a butter knife.
My mistake creates further difficulties on stage as I cradle Mrs Lovett and begin yet another long speech. Having charged around the table a few times, we are both breathing pretty heavily the audience can clearly see Lovett's chest rising and falling. I too am more than aware of the fact that breathing heavily and close to me is an attractive girl. I need to think about something else - and quickly. Fortunately the theatrical equivalent of an ice cold shower was not much further away than the edge of the stage. I drag Lovett away and save the fantasies for another day.
Later in the same scene (don't ask) Smith after spying on Todd climbs into a tomb and finds that there is no exit. I watch in horror as the entire tomb moves slowly across the stage towards the wings. Since Kim and I are in the middle of one of our pieces we are compelled not to notice. But it's clear to us and the audience that what should be several tonnes of stones is gliding slowly across the stage floor to the accompaniment of a series of muffled curses from somewhere inside. Mid traverse Kim started to get the giggles. I grab her and improvised the usual series of threatens and imprecations until she stopped, probably adding to her bruise count into the business. Around now the bell rings for the end of school, the captives freed make their joyful exit.
The moment the bell rang we lost about 90% of our audience. There was no question of them remaining, although it was gratifying that at least some of the pupils remained. I hoped it was because they were enjoying the play and not because they were waiting for the next mistake or awful performance. Yes dumb I know. RC
Act Four Scene One.
The anti-Todd Squad gather their forces and Tobias informs on Todd for no other reason that he tried to kill the boy. Ungrateful or what!
Ingestre, Oakley and
various other souls get together to seek out Todd,who with a staggering lack of strategic sense returns to his shop to collect his ill-gotten gains. There is a lot more gibbering and yelling, Ingestre appears a few times, convincing Todd that he is a ghost and the one-time barber becomes convinced that the shade of Mrs Lovett is also out to get him. Under the circumstances a non-unreasonable conclusion to make.Act Four. Scene Two.
Trapped in his lair and forced into shaving the self-same judge that imprisoned him Todd is found by his accusers and in one last show of stupidity decides to commit suicide. The stage directions call me for reappear at the end of a ditty spoken by the cast and declare There's no-one as evil as me! I don't feel evil, I just feel foolish.
Later: The green rooms, after the show: mere words alone cannot convey the deep sense of depression as the curtains close and we retire to the green rooms to take off our costumes and make up. Raven comes in to congratulate us on the show and to tell us what he thinks could do to improve our performance. Judging from the long list he gives, it seems the best thing we could do to improve the show would be to not turn up tomorrow - looking around several members of the cast seem to be tempted by the idea.
And we have to do it all again tomorrow! It's time for a change in plans. As always I am struck by just how organized the sixth form can be when the need is there. Stuart suggests that I lighten my performance as Todd, I am forced to agree but fight down a certain amount of annoyance that we are doing this at the eleventh hour. I dislike last minute changes for the simple reason that they seldom work. On the other hand, there is little doubt that Todd's monumentally lengthy speeches were the problem and I readily agree to some fairly drastic excising of the longer soliloquies.. I tell Diane because it affects her cues. I don't tell Raven because it affects his ego.
Essentially we are going for the belly laugh approach - Sweeney Todd meets Benny Hill, which should play well to the older Gaynesford audience. In the interests of keeping the audience on our side I decide that I will stare at Mrs Lovett's breasts and generally act like a sex starved male. This is one piece of method acting at which I can excel, although I wonder if either Diane or Mark will speak to me ever again.
Raven's reminds everyone that he will be hosting an after show party at his house tomorrow - this is clearly some form of bribe. We are of course happy to accept.
Editors note. Our researchers made two observations at this point both illustrating what might be called The Gaynesford Effect. Firstly it was clear that although taking an O level in drama none of the cast understood the concept of the melodrama - possibly because they had never been taught it as part of their course - Raven might have assumed that melodrama was a concept well known to sixth formers in their day to day lives and not bothered to explore it during the course and secondly - faced with a problem, they had employed the Gaynesford axiom, if at first you don't succeed, change the rules!.
Friday 23 May
Green rooms after the show: today was little better. For one thing the audience was older and got at least a small percentage of the gags. I played Sweeney strictly for laughs ogling Diane's chest and over doing the hitting Kim. In the process I think I probably got the nomination for nineteen year old most likely to be found twenty years later buying expensive magazines for the art connoisseur, although knowing my luck is more likely to be probably something like Dirty Old Man Monthly.
Editors note. Cook mentioned the changes wrought by the cast during his stint in pantomime a few years later 1986. We have reproduced the entry below
In the unlikely event that I ever meet Diane again, I am probably going to owe her some kind of huge apology. I vividly recall that just about every chance I had I would use her breasts as some kind of stage prop. Of course you have to remember that we were out there acting without a net, the decision to make changes at the last minute meant that several scenes were more or less improvised.
God alone knows what Diane made of my reaction to some of her entrances. I adopted a goggle eyed sex starved characterization which would have embarrassed a line-impoverished Carry On actor. In the cold light of day and more than a decade later, I wonder if we made the right decision. For one thing, the second performance was so far off from the script that it could well have affected the drama group's chance of passing their exam and for another realistically the first version was probably better, it was simply that we (and more importantly our GHS audience) didn't know that at the time. The comedy never really matched with the murder theme but we had been so shellshocked by day one that it was only natural that we did someting to protect ourselves against another audience of Zombies. RC
Diary continues...
Mark's Smith character has an exit via a tomb at the end of scene two. The idea was that this painted tomb - basically a large cardboard box was half on and half off the stage. Mark would climb in one end and leave the other. But it had been set up wrong the first time and there was no way that he could get out.
Faced with the possibility of the same problem today, Mark decided that he would alert the audience to his difficulty. He strode to the front of the stage, indicated the tomb and announced "And now for the difficult bit" much to the puzzlement of the audience and the amusement of the cast who are watching anxiously from the wings because having changed all the cues no one can be absolutely certain when they are on again.
...For years after this amongst our little clique any task which on the face of it appeared to be doomed to failure was prefaced with a dramatic aside to an invisible audience and words "and now for the difficult bit." RC
...The other memorable event took place right at the end of the show. Todd was cornered and about to commit suicide. He holds the crowd at bay with as straight razor. Mark caught in the grip of method acting madness, picked up the shaving mug from Todd's table, and hurled it directly at me. I managed to avoid it only by sheer luck, the mug smashes against the back wall in a thousand piece of china and three times that number of small soapy fragments. Shrapnel threatens to do solve Todd's problem for him.
But we stagger through to the end. We finished on a kiss, pity it was Stuart and I doing the kissing.
Now for the party we had been promised...Chez Raven, North Street, Carshalton. When I arrived at the house "Suicide is painless" was playing on the stereo, I wondered if Raven was trying to tell us something?
We were minus Mark, who had taken a bang to the head during the show and fearing possible concussion had remained indoors. Several others were also injured, I hurt my arm and Stuart was nursing bruised ribs from a fight scene that went wrong. Our lack of any skills or training in stage fighting was coming back to haunt us. We have managed to get through on sheer adrenaline and nervousness, but we were calming down now and the pain was starting become more obvious.The game of life is hard to play, I'm gonna lose it anyway.The losing card I someday lay,So this is all I have to say"
I recall a fight scene with Lee, where I failed to pull my punch but luckily I punch like a five year old girl so Lee was more surprised than damaged. Diane had a bruised leg, I think Beverley was unscathed although in rehearsals he had been dropped by Mark several times when he was supposed to have been sweeping her off her feet. And Mrs Raven was about to develop a very bad headache.
It was probably a good party. It was certainly a party that the cast - still depressed after the show - needed. I don't recall that many details: for some reason we decided to eat fish and chips, this was probably unwise for any number of reasons where I am concerned, but coupled with the adrenaline rush from the show and the effects of alcohol became positively dangerous.
Mrs Raven was still finding the remains of fish and chips several days later. I suspect the general view was that Tony should not have invited us back to his house and we were determined to ensure that he learnt his lesson!
Steve tells me that he had preserved all the"Electrick Hoax"cartoon from several weeks of Sounds and it planning to mount them on card. Not quite sure why except everyone seems to be collecting memorabilia. The Hoax is a strange but excellent choice.
Raven seemed to get drunk very quickly, and with a quite staggering lack of common sense, decided, to try and chat up Beverley and Diane. That might have been fun for him had not his wife been seating close by. There were several mentions of sleeping children, all of which were ignored by the party people and our English teacher.
As the evening became late Mrs Raven became ever more annoyed at our behaviour and had heated words with his husband who appeared to be too pissed to offer more than a nod of the head. It occurs to me too late that we are young and drink several days a week, professionals to Mr Raven's enthusiastic amateur.
If all that wasn't enough, the assembled teens in her house were busy cleaning out the alcohol. Stuart and Bill Mulane were eyeing a large bottle of Vodka with a view to ensuring that it found a new home away from the Ravens and several bottles of wine had vanished.
Later: At some point, Beverley and I are under the table, in several senses of the word, I am trying to work out how get to out of there and in doing so, find myself telling Beverley of all people that I find Kim's ankles sexually attractive. I am not even sure if its true but it seemed appropriate for the occasion.
Shortly after midnight, we are ejected by a furious Mrs Raven, she is practically holding up a now comatose Tony Raven. I guessed that the cast of Sweeney Todd would not be invited back to chateau Raven any time soon! I have no idea where the others are, they seems to have dispersed across Carshalton like a nebulous drunken mist.
I wandered home. It probably hadn't been a bad performance, but thinking about it we could have done better. More money for props and costumes, more time to rehearse a lot more time to rehearse and some additional cast members and we could made it the end of year show like My Fair Lady! The thought is so horrifying that it sobers me and I clamp down on it immediately. Twice was more than enough. It is time to go home. My last clear memory was of Stuart and Billy sitting on the green near Raven's home drinking from unsurprisingly a bottle of Vodka! It was a good night. Tomorrow, the past pupils (and a few not so past) go to Brighton!
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